For the first time in my life, I’ve come across someone as shy as me

A few months ago, I wrote about having a co-worker who was even more introverted than me. Since then, another person has joined the team. And guess what? She’s quiet too. And shy. 

This has never happened to me before. I’ve never come across someone ‘like me’. And yet I see so much of myself in this new co-worker; their shyness, timidity, reserve, mirrors my own.

For example, I recognise myself when I see her give evasive answers to questions about what she got up to at the weekend, her nervousness about naming a band she’d seen, knowing no one would have heard of them, and fearing, probably, ridicule, strange looks, being made to feel weird, even more weird than she probably already does… because of her shyness. 

I’ve always felt quite alone in this aspect of my shyness; being uncomfortable with talking about myself, finding it incredibly difficult to tell people what my interests are, what I like doing, tidbits of information that ‘reveal’ who I am. And so to see someone else clam up like I do, who answers questions about themselves hesitantly, meekly, with a nervous smile and a little laugh, has been… interesting. 

The thing is, we don’t come across the same, because I’m not timid, or particularly shy, at work.  Changes at my workplace over the last 12 months have seen me become the ‘oldest’, most experienced member of the team, with my colleagues turning to me a lot to train them up, help them out. This has enabled me to come out of my shell. And I’ve managed to forge some good relationships with my co-workers; so much so that I’ve started to feel somewhat more comfortable when the topic of conversation turns away from work and into more personal territory. 

My shyness is still present, however. Particularly when I talk with my also-shy colleague. As I’ve said before, it can be hard to establish a connection with someone who’s as reserved as you are. Knowing how difficult, how alienating, it can be to be ‘the quiet one’, I want to make sure she  feels comfortable within the team, or at the very least with me; I want her to feel that it’s ok to mention the names of obscure bands she’s a fan of to me, knowing I won’t judge, because I get it, I’ve been there, scared to speak your truth for fear of ridicule. 

I’m not convinced I come across as warm and as friendly as I’d like to, though. Because my own reserve still gets in the way. This also makes it difficult to be open and honest about my own shyness, and therefore, perhaps, prevents me from being able to form anything other than a superficial connection with this colleague. 

And I know, despite the fact I’ve been able to shake off some of my shyness in my current job, put me in a new workplace, with new people, and I’m pretty sure I’d come across just as quiet as my co-worker; still shy.